When Bad Is Good

In "Reconnected Kids" by Dr. Robert Melillo, there is a chapter titled "When Bad Is Good (And Vice Versa).  It basically talks about how every stage of brain development has negatives and positives and when a child seems like an angel all the time it's not necessarily a good thing (That was totally the case for us with Preston.  He was such an easy baby!  And then we realized it's because his brain wasn't developing the way it should have).  On the flip side, when children are behaving badly or regress in certain areas, it can be a result of a growth spurt in brain development. (I'm totally paraphrasing so don't quote me on anything I say.  Read the book for more details, but read "Disconnected Kids" first.)  At the Brain Balance clinic, they warn you that when your child goes through the program, their brains will be going through missed steps along the way, starting at age 0.  So my 10 year old might actually behave like a 2 year old for a little bit while the weaker side of his brain develops.

I already knew this to some degree because of the other therapies we have done with Preston.  In our experience, regression ALWAYS preceded major leaps in brain development (ones we could actually see and discuss), but it's good to remind myself of this, especially in the thick of things.  Let's just say, if bad is good, then my boys are definitely on the right track.  The past few days have been CRAZY HARD!!  We have had meltdowns and frustration since we started the program, but this is a new level of hard.  Both my boys have right brain deficiencies, although Preston also has a left brain deficiency (Overall he's delayed.  Dr. Melillo calls this particular situation the Peter Pan Syndrome in his book "Reconnected Kids").  The personality and challenges of my boys are night and day so their bad days don't have much in common other than the fact that they make me crazy.  ;)  They both are experiencing major emotional meltdowns.  Here's a glimpse of how that looks in each of them.

Preston gets whiney and negative.  He gets lazy with home exercises, chores, or schoolwork.  He complains and drags his feet on everything!  That tends to be a struggle for him in general, but with the program, it's just magnified many many times.  Preston is also SUPER LOVING so when he is feeling loving towards me (or his baby brother) he is often too loving and expressive.  He can't stop himself.  He has to come hug me right then and there.  Or he HAS to kiss the baby before he can do anything else.  It's darling and a quality that truly endears him to me, but is distracting and can get annoying when I'm trying to get him to focus or when the baby is trying to sleep or is already really fussy.  Another behavior we have seen is copying.  He copies everything Dylan (or anyone) says, just because he thinks it's funny.  Now...this one is less annoying to me than to his brother, but it's still worth mentioning as far as negative behaviors go.  I have to say this one makes me smile sometimes.  Seeing him tease or talk back (not to me but when he does it with Dylan) actually helps me to see progress.  Boys are such silly creatures...I have learned this the past 15 years or so, being blessed with three of my own (and a big one I married).  But the quick, witty, teasing, "I'm not going to take it and let you win or be bullied by you" attitude is really good for me to see from him, even though it means my boys are fighting CONSTANTLY!

Dylan is more aggressive and explosive than Preston so that has become EVEN BIGGER for him!  That is not an easy behavior to deal with, especially in a 10 year old boy.  But we're trying to be patient.  He snaps and is angry about something he has to do or can't do, etc.  When I asked him to move down on the bench in church on Sunday, he wouldn't budge.  When I went to lift him a bit to encourage him to slide down so I could sit with the baby on the end, he threw himself on the floor in a big heap.  And when I took him by the arm to the hall to talk about his behavior, he was sure to add in a voice much louder than a whisper, "Let go of me!  You can't touch me!  I'm not going with you!  You can't make me!!"  Definitely gives anyone in the near vicinity plenty of material lest they want to judge my excellent parenting skills.  Hopefully most people understand, but it's still definitely on the embarrassing side, even for someone as open and honest as me.  I'm trying not to worry about what anyone else thinks though, but that is easier said than done.  Dylan is very emotional and hard on himself.  Again, in general that is something he struggles with, but right now it's just bigger.  His frustration yesterday that he couldn't do a back flip like his friend became a major issue.  It upset him so much that he came inside and sulked instead of playing in the backyard with friends.  He just couldn't cope emotionally.  He was pretty much depressed about his entire life and expressed that in every way imaginable.  SUPER HARD!!  Hard to deal with and hard to watch him struggle so much.

So what does it all mean?  No we're not ready to throw in the towel.  We trust the process and felt VERY strongly about the need to complete this program with our boys.  But that does not make it EASY!!  The financial commitment, time commitment (home exercises and driving to brain balance sessions), the nutritional commitment and extra effort that requires (AND DISHES...holy moly I'm doing dishes ALL the time now).  Adding behavior problems in children who are regressing while their brains work on catching up on missed developmental stages increases the burden.  But is it worth it?  I'm convinced it is.  Stay tuned, folks!