Loving Preston

This is going to seem like a strange blog post, especially considering the fact that I still haven't posted  our official Brain Balance results even though the boys had their graduation a month ago.  We ended up switching bedrooms around (and consequently moved pretty close to every piece of furniture in the house - no joke) so I've been rather busy actually being a mom.  I also have a super busy toddler that keeps me on my toes 24/7.  And then there's the Brain Balance exercises and diet still, which can be time consuming as well.  I will post their results soon.  I promise!

I feel the need to blog about an experience we had recently.  My boys are somewhat sheltered from the world because of our decision to teach them at home.  They are certainly not removed from reality, but there is a bit of a cushion from the unkindness that children often experience from their peers.

Both our boys are part of a play this summer.  Dylan really enjoys acting and Preston expressed interest so we decided to let both boys participate this year.  Thankfully Dylan is still part of the younger group (elementary kids) and could keep an eye on Preston and help him if need be.  One day, Dylan came back from practice and was really sad.  He told me that during a break Preston was being kind of silly and was playing around with a plastic cup on his head.  Another kid came up behind Dylan, pointed to Preston and said, "Your brother's a retard!"  I asked Dylan what he did. He said, "Nothing mom.  I just got really sad and tears came to my eyes.  I don't know why people are so mean.  He's such a good kid!  He wouldn't hurt anyone ever. And he was just being silly."  As he spoke the words, it felt like a chunk of my heart was literally breaking.  The pit in my stomach was deep and strong.  Years of concerns and fear that have settled quite a bit over time flooded my mind.  It was intense.  Kids say mean things all the time.  They don't know who they are yet and they're trying to figure it out.  Their own insecurities are usually expressed inappropriately.  I get it.  But that specific comment directed at a child who is delayed, has been considered special needs (even though not always obvious) and definitely has a learning disability is extremely painful.  If someone had made the same comment to Dylan, I would feel bad he had had a negative experience with a peer, but that's about the extent of it.

It's resolved.  I spoke to the director and they talked to the boy.  That's not the point of this post, although I so appreciate her willingness to address a negative situation in such an appropriate manner.  Two things I have to mention.  First, Dylan DID NOT REACT!!  If this exact same situation had happened a year ago, Dylan would most likely be the one in trouble because he probably would have punched the kid - or worse.  He's a protective older brother and that's a good thing.  But he's learned to control himself.  Well, his moro reflex is integrated so he's ABLE to control himself better (yay!!  I'll talk more about this later).  He has time to think rather than react and he understand the need to stay calm in less than ideal situations.  Awesome!

Second, this process is hard.  My children have grown and changed in ways I never thought possible, but we haven't fully arrived, especially with Preston.  Having a child with any type of challenge is difficult.  I would imagine for most mothers it is the same.  It breaks our hearts when others tease or taunt or don't understand the uphill battle our children face.  I'm pretty chill most of the time.  I try not to get involved unless it's necessary.  My children are very good at communicating with me and I try to help them think through situations and problem solve on their own.  This particular situation, however, was very difficult for me.  I cried.  I leaned on my husband.  I ached for Preston...and for Dylan.  Dylan's heart hurt too.  He loves his brother in a way few will ever understand.  Thankfully Preston did not hear (nor would he have understood the insult).  Having a child who struggles more than most has made me a more compassionate and understanding person. I will never look upon an individual with any type of challenge without feeling a part of the pain that comes with such struggles.  The empathy I possess has become a gift.  A difficult one to obtain, but it's a gift I was given to help me become my best self.  We're making incredible progress.  But the journey itself is not always easy.  I have to admit that for better or worse, this former tough girl is vulnerable.  A big chunk of my heart remains completely exposed to the big, bad world through the sweetest child I have ever met - my loving, creative, quirky little Preston!