Finding Hope Through Neuroptimal Neurofeedback

Years ago, I used this blog as a way to document our family's progress through a brain program for our second son.  Our family has had a recent experience in brain training and growth that I keep feeling I need to share.  When trying to find an appropriate platform to share our recent experiences, I was reminded of this old blog that has stood dormant for many years.  It seemed appropriate as we are still on a journey of brain growth and continue to find ourselves on a "trek down the road less traveled."

Last fall, our oldest son was struggling quite a bit.  For a couple of years, we have been adjusting to life with a teenager and hoped part of our struggles was that transition.  However, this summer, the struggles we were dealing with escalated to the point we could no longer ignore them.  How can we help this child?  What is going on with him?  We sought answers, but did not find them.  It could be this or this diagnosis, but we were never given a definitive answer.  Extreme depression, impulse control issues, explosive violent episodes, trouble sleeping, difficulty dealing with intense emotions...

It got to the point that we had very few options available to us.  Do we seek out a treatment facility?  Medication?  Medication for what?  We didn't have a specific diagnosis for him.  Ugh!  Counseling.  We were told to go to counseling.  We did.  But it didn't help very much.  He would leave a session with the counselor and all of us feeling extremely optimistic and happy, and an hour later, snap, lose control and become violent for something as simple as being sent to his bedroom.  Snapping became more and more frequent and intense until it got to the point that the rest of the family was not safe during that period of time.  (Snapping is the term I have started using to describe losing his mind...basically reverting to survival, animal brain, fight or flight type of behavior and temporarily losing all higher-level cognitive ability).

It was a mother's worst nightmare.  The mother bear in me had a need to protect my younger children.  And yet I could not make sense of it.  I was protecting them from their own brother.

I sobbed.

He's my son too.  How do we keep all of them safe?  And happy?  And functioning?  How do we protect all four of our children?  

We were faced with potentially splitting up our family to keep our younger children safe and find help for our older son, not knowing if he would need to live somewhere else with my husband or in a treatment facility for troubled youth.

A coworker of my husband's mentioned she had heard good things about neurofeedback and maybe we should look into that.  I began researching neurofeedback and found myself immersed in information.  I spent days reading, researching, pondering and praying.

There are two types of neurofeedback.  One is linear and one is dynamic.  With the linear approach, a brain map is needed with a specialist to read the brain map and create a treatment plan to change the brain.  It is expensive and can have negative side effects if not done under the care of a very well trained brain map specialist reviewing and adjusting things from time to time.  The dynamic approach didn't use a brain map.  The technology provided a real time EEG reading to give a picture of what the brain was doing in that moment.  That real time reading serves as a mirror to show the brain what is happening, and allows the brain to correct itself based on that feedback.  It doesn't put anything INTO the brain.  Rather, it gives the brain a picture of what is actually happening and allows the Central Nervous System to make corrections to optimize itself.  After days of research and figuring out finances, we decided to rent a system with a dynamic neurofeedback approach called Neuroptimal.  Rather than having one child complete neurofeedback, we would train as a family.  Training is 33 minutes listening to music and watching a screen of geometric shapes and changing colors (like a screen saver that is constantly moving and changing in a calming sort of way).  Brief pauses in the music (that sound kind of like static) occur that alert your brain it has shifted and give it a chance to return to the present moment.  (There is a ton of information available about Neuroptimal, but I will save giving more details for another post since it can get long and others are definitely more eloquent and experienced at explaining it than I am).

Our Neuroptimal system arrived in the evening on November 3, 2019.  Our journey had begun.  We had committed to rent the machine for a month, but planned on renewing our rental contract for a second month if we liked it and were seeing results.

The first night, our oldest son fell asleep while training.  I was SHOCKED!  This kid has struggled to sleep since he was a toddler.  My other kids reported feeling calm and relaxed while training.  I felt the same way.  Calm and more tired.  My youngest, who is 6, was convinced his brain was creating the shapes and colors on the screen he was watching (that's not how it works, but we decided to let him believe he had super powers to keep his interest high).  The first week was rough.  Ups and downs as the brain was alerted to what was actually taking place.  One night, our oldest fell asleep while training.  He's a very deep sleeper and we are used to him waking up disoriented if we have to wake him up for any reason.  When I took the sensors off, he woke up and I tried to guide him downstairs to his bedroom knowing he was asleep.  He got extremely violent and started screaming and trying to punch the wall.  It was almost like he was sleep fighting rather than sleep walking.  It took two of us to help him down the stairs and into bed safely.  In the morning, he came upstairs still upset but his demeanor had changed a bit.  He seemed more sad and somber.

"Mom, I was so mad at you guys last night.  I was SO ANGRY!!  I hated you!  But I don't know why.  You didn't do anything to me.  Something is wrong with my brain.  I think my brain is broken."

I started crying and hugged him.

"I know, baby.  That's why we're doing neurofeedback right now.  It's going to be okay."

That was the first time he had ever remembered being angry when he was asleep.  It was also the first time he acknowledged feeling angry for no reason at all.  It was a really big moment for us.

Within a couple of weeks, we noticed remarkable shifts in the whole family, but they were extreme in my oldest son.  He was more calm overall.  When he had a privilege taken away (a definite trigger for him in the past) he would get mad, but not snap.  He would go to his room.  He accepted it.  It didn't send him into panic mode and create an intense reaction.  His reactions to life situations became more and more typical.  Teachers noticed at school and commented to him that he seemed happier and calmer.  The school counselor commented as well.  He stepped into leadership roles and started helping his peers.  A close friend and his family commented that he seemed happier.  My son replied simply, "I know.  I am happier.  I feel really good."

When we started training with Neuroptimal, it was the beginning of term 2 at school and he was failing almost every class.  His depression had gotten to the point that he wasn't even trying.  We were dealing with bigger issues than grades or learning so we focused all our attention on finding help for him.  But within a week of starting training, he made a personal goal to get caught up with work he was missing.  He turned things in, made up quizzes and tests, and his grades quickly improved.  By the end of the term, he had a 3.4 GPA and all work turned in a week early.

One day, I walked in and my normally messy, disorganized teenager was folding his laundry and cleaning his room.  Without being asked.  He's capable of doing chores and in our family, each child is expected to complete daily and weekly chores.  But it was always a fight.  His room was messy and disorganized.  Things felt chaotic.  As training continued, his room improved.  It wasn't a full 180 degree turn, but it was noticeable.  Tasks we  had always asked him to do as part of the way we parent and run our home started taking place of his own accord.

He spent a big chunk of time grounded while we figured out how to deal with the extreme behavior we were experiencing.  His privileges were limited to basic needs and that was all he was allowed while we tried to figure out how we could help him.  As brain training continued, he would ask for certain privileges to be restored.  When the answer was no, he usually answered, "Okay.  Do you think I can earn it back in the future?"  I'm not sure I can fully explain how big of a deal that was.  Normally a "no" response would immediately turn into an argument, debate or an attempt to negotiate.  Instead, he was now able to respect boundaries we were giving him, knowing at some point he would earn more and more privileges with better behavior and more trust.

Our family ended up renting a machine for 6 weeks, at which time we took a huge leap of faith and purchased our own Neuroptimal machine to continue training and hopefully be able to help other families with a business of our own.

I wish I could explain the difference this brain training device has made in our lives.  It is literally night and day.  Only those closest to our oldest son truly know the extent of the changes we have seen.  There is no price I could put on the peace I feel at having found something to help him.  Last fall, I was devastated.  I thought I had lost my son.  My heart was grieving.  I was trying to find a way to continue being a mother and protecting my other children while still finding a way to love and parent my oldest.  Today, I have my son back.  My other children have their older brother back.  They have all commented how much they missed him and how happy they are when he plays with them and talks to them again.  He isn't perfect.  He's still a teenage boy who likes to push limits and finds the entire world is a science experiment awaiting his personal testing.  But...he's a much better version of the boy I have always known.  He's calmer.  He's happier.  He's more respectful.  He's better able to regulate strong emotions and self sooth.

He's not the only one who has benefitted.  My 6 year old had two teachers comment on how he is better able to stay engaged during circle and learning time and how they have not had to redirect him nearly as much.  Those comments were unsolicited and came without the teachers knowing we were doing brain training with Neuroptimal at home.  My middle children comment on feeling calmer and more confident.  Emotional moments my daughter has as a tween come and go instead of becoming an all day, emotionally intense event.  Personally, I have seen my depression lift and my anxiety decrease.  My overall ability to handle the waves of life has improved.  In the past, an experience like this would make me feel like I was drowning.  Like I wanted to hide.  Or run away.  Or not get out of bed.  Instead, I am able to take each wave as it comes and navigate it better.  Sometimes I ride the wave.  Sometimes I fall off and have to swim or grab for my board.  But I am no longer drowning despite the intense months of life we have experienced recently.

I have struggled to know how to share our story.  I have a strong desire to protect the privacy of my children.  But I feel a nagging need to bring hope to others who may be experiencing something similar...or completely different.  To families and individuals who may need a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.  These are the real life moments no one likes to talk about or share on their beautifully retouched social media posts.  So I'm taking a leap and sharing just enough to bring knowledge and information to others.

I know it sounds too good to be true.  I'm not sure I would fully believe these kinds of changes were possible if I hadn't experienced it myself.  But I did.  Our family is different.  Things are looking up.  We're more optimistic and have a better ability to deal with the ups and downs of life.  I truly believe Neuroptimal is an incredible neurofeedback machine that can improve the brain.  These improvements may include an increased ability to focus, better sleep, calmer, more relaxed states, an overall happier disposition, increased resilience to life events, and improved performance abilities.

Neuroptimal is the BEST thing that has ever happened for our entire family and I will forever be grateful we found this system and decided to train our brains together!